Oh My! Bless you. I know that you are in so much pain. Thank goodness that you have your father. I taught school for 32 years. Most of the children who had the worst problems were the ones who were abandoned by their mothers. The kids whose father left had issues as well but not as much as a mother. My boys are adopted. My oldest doesn't want to find his mother. I would be surprised if she is alive. The youngest wants to find his mother and I will will help him as soon as he graduates high school. It will be painful for me but he has the right to know her.